The Golden Randomness
by FoRsak3n
Summary: Crack/Parody: Sango and Kagome have to protect a cheese doodle and Keade is dressed up like Rambo? Okay, what is happening in the Feudal Era! Read to find out!


Disclaimer: No I do not own InuYasha...

(( (A/N) This was actually an RP me and my friend had one day when we were bored. It just goes to show how boredation and having to much free time can fry a persons brain hehe. Not to mention that Hinata and myself went back and added a bunch of stuff to make it funnier.))

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Our story starts out with our two hero's dancing with joy to the macarena, singing 'I'm a Barbie girl', while hopping on one leg. Why you ask? Well, because they felt like it, that's why. DON'T QUESTION US MONKEY! Don't worry, they were safe inside Lady Keade's hut so no one spotted them in action; possibly the main reason why they were acting as such. I mean, think about it. You don't know what that woman puts in her tea. But anyways, that's a whole different story now isn't it.

Now, as I was saying, the King of Cheese had just placed an important job in their hands, and they couldn't be happier. Thus, the reason why they were celebrating by doing victory donuts on Kirara's back. Between you and us, if Kirara asks why her fur is sticky, just reassure her that the cows' moo-moo milk shot out from the moon and, well; just tell her that she doesn't want to know. Oh God does she NOT want to know. That poor nekomata, I never even thought in my wildest dreams that you could poor a packet of jello into the ocean and swim in it. And just because they're not near the ocean doesn't mean anything... Moving on.

Sango had continued to dance, that is, until the legendary 'Emo kid' song started to play. And you know what we're talking about. Everyone knows that song, and if you don't, it's called Youtube. Get a life buddy. Just as soon as the verse came up about not getting enough money to go to the Blood Romance Me Dry concert, the Taijiya attempted to cut her wrists with her Hiraikotsu. Her attempts obviously failing in vain. And Kagome on the other hand, was too busy trying to use a chopstick to inflict damage on her forehead to even notice that Sango had given up halfway into the song. Just as the wonderful song stopped, Kagome paused mid-stab and glanced around suspiciously.

" Woah, Sango, did you see that?!"

The Higurashi maiden said in an utterly frightened manor, almost instantly jumping to the floor. Ducking while placing her hands on the back of her head, glancing to her friend from the corner of her eye before whispering out to her. Trying to make the older female grasp the concept that the two were under attack. Chyea, under attack by her imagination is more like it.

"Get down, or they will see joooooo. The DeeDeeDee-man will get you!"

The Japanese school girl yelled with quietness, still glancing around the mansion style hut, being absolutely serious. And we are serious! Who says Keade hasn't pimped her hut out, throwing some D's on dat biatch. Damn, maybe she should be on MTV'S Cribs or something like that. For cereal! You just don't know ninja, you just don't know. Okay, and we're done trying to be gangsta now.

"Shhhh...the squirrels are watching us...they are every where..."

Seeing her friend duck, Sango made a mad dash for the floor as well; hitting the surface like Goku would when he seen a sponge. And I don't even know anything about DBZ; talk to her. Points to her crazy ass friend whom was also narrating. Yeah, her. Okay, back to the story.

"I know. I think they teamed up with the chickens...I saw one of those beady eyed bastards in the bushes."

Kagome's eyes shot open with surprise to those words. Was it true, was the squirrels and chickens really turning on man kind in order for world domination over Pizza Hut. No way?! It couldn't be true, it mustn't be true. Then all the pizza in the world would turn to pancakes and shrivel up by the loss of cheese. Think about all those people out there going hungry without their precious cheese. OH NO! What about all the little mousies. Poor Youthful thingers! Gasp! Poor Yuki!

"No!! Are you serious?!"

Being brave, the Higurashi slowly pops her head up over the window to look before hiding again.

"NAEWOH! NAEWOOOOH! Oh nuu..they came come after our cheesy-poof... we must not let them take our valuable poof. The King trusted us to protect The Golden Poof of Yester-Years...and I would hate to think of all the chaos they could bring with such magical powers the all mighty Le poof holds."

Hearing Kagome's words, Sango balled her fist up to shake it at the window. Quickly flipping them off with her big toe that was manicured with a lovely pink unicorn.

"Curse them..."

The demon slayer spat out through clenched, white sparkling teeth, lowering her toe. Her teeth were so shinny that she could possibly put Lee and Gai-Sensei to shame. Shudder to the third power. Never even thought that was possible! Hoe Mah Gawd!

"I know..."

Kagome managed to say all dramatic like, throwing her head to the side much the way Napoleon Dynamite would. Making her look like Tiffany Wilson from White Chicks. Jeez that movie is funny. Okay, anyways, seeing the other female making a move, Kagome acted as well. She shook her balled feet at the window. Laying on her back while waving her legs in the breeze.

Sango then decided to take another peek up over the window frame, seeing if they had left or not.

"NO GET DOWN THEY'LL SEE YOUOOOOO!"

Higurashi screamed out, going to go and tackle the fellow female to the floor. Sango, seeing her fly through the air all slow motion like, simply stepped to the side, grabbing her Hiraikotsu and throws it at one of the germ infested boogers. But luck would have it that it misses just because they are so short. How dare they be so short!

"DAMN IT ALLL!!"

The Demon Exterminator screamed, running after the large boomerang in frustration. Never had she delt with such short villains, besides Jaken but we all know that she could simply football punt him across the room. You should try it sometime. It's very fun actually. When Sango made a run for it, Kagome jumped up. Knocking over a flower pot in the process of moving her hips. She blinked down to the broken vase before getting an idea. And no, a light bulb did not go ping above her head. Okay, maybe it did but still, you're not supposed to know that. After bending down and placing her index and middle fingers into the black substance, she used the dirt to place strips across her face military style. Then, after she was dressed for the occasion, the girl scurried to stand and started shooting arrows like a machine gun all at once.

"GAHHHHHH! Bastards..."

Higurashi belted out as the arrows flew, going no where in particular to be honest. The Demon Slayer watched Kagome with curiosity, seeing the flying arrows land in trees, bushes, chickens butts, and even a little old hobo who was walking by on a cane. After seeing all this, Sango finally gets an idea and grabs something green and smears it across her face as well. After it was applied, she glanced over to see where she had retrieved it from. There was a pail marked 'Kaede's foot fungus', just sitting there molding away in the hot sun of Lee's love. She shuddered from the thought of having the old hags crusty feet on her face and wiped that crap off as quick as possible. I don't even think a six hour shower would get that smell off of her cheeks. Mmm, old lint covered bellybutton peppermint stains. And yes, all that is said in one breath.

Hearing Sango gag, Kagome flicked her brown hues over to the Taijiya; wondering why the Demon Slayer shuddered but decided it best not to ask questions. Shrugging it off, the Japanese school girl then turned back to the squirrels and chickens, still using her arrows that seemed to be a never ending arsenal. Not long after, the Higurashi jumped into the air, going to the left while still firing that unlimited amount of arrows. Okay, quick question. Where the hell are these arrows when she actually needs them to help InuYasha in battle?! Hinata just said she hides them in her bra since she has all that room where her chest is so flat. Yes people, Hyuuga is mean. Curse you Neji for teaching her such ways, and no TenTen had nothing to do with it... well, maybe just a little. Okay, a lot, but still. Neji you shall be BLAMED!

Landing to slide across the floor. That sounded absolutely random, but still, Kagome did land to slide across the floor while Sango took out two shot guns. Tying a red bandanna across her head after wards.

"Lets get those bastards!"

The brunette screamed, walking out with squirrels jumping at her from left and right; not to mention a few angles that's better left unsaid. Eww, squirrel germs. Seeing one coming at her, the older female shot the little asshat in the boob; no wait, chickens have boobs? According to Hinata they do. Anyways, she managed to blow that little sucker back twenty feet through the air, making it land in a pile of pickle juice. Ah, the pickle juice! It burns! Not to mention that it's great for sunburns and bumps on the head; at least L believes so. Then, all of a sudden, a chicken came up from out of no where. Bum bum BUM! Kind of scary isn't it. Well, maybe not since the chicken flew down from a high branch but it helps out the story if you think it came from no where. But once again she let fire, blasting it's head off all bad ass like. She growls when blood splatters all over her kimono which she had just gotten dry cleaned not even two seconds ago. Kagome jumped at the sound, turning her attention to see what had just happened.

"Gerowss!! But ok!"

Kagome had stated, making sure to watch her friends back as they made their way out of the door and into the middle of the war. Yes, all this went down while they were still standing in the door way. Finally, the girl blinked when an idea came to her head.

"Um, hey Sango? Where did you get the shot guns?"

The school girl had asked, a curious brow being quirked while her orbs looked around them to make sure they weren't taken off guard while the two chatted away. Before answering, Sango made sure to load her new pride and joy, nailing another enemy in the leg.

"I dunno, Kaede had them in her walk in closet that came up from the floor when I lifted her magazine that had some naked man on the front cover. How did you get a machine gun?"

The Miko blinked, getting a bit afraid by the thought of Keade masterbating. Oh God, mental pictures! You hate us now don't you. Aww, well we love you.

"Well shit...what else does she have hidden? I found mine in Keade's bread that was filled with ham and eggs all on a sesame seed bun... Yum, McDonald's."

I want some Micky Dee's now! Okay, quick break while we head to town. And, we have returned with fries and shakes equipped. Food is needed for a starving writer, no? Okay, back to what we were talking about. After awhile, Kagome goes back into the priestesses hut, returning with smoke bombs and grenades in each hand before smirking with an intent to kill.

"Feh, alright Kagome-chan. Smoke those bastards!"

Sango screamed just as she moved back to stand at the reincarnations side, desperately running out of ammo. Kagome, hearing the others orders, pulls the cork and throws it at them just as Sango reached the safety of her side.

" HAHA! TAKE THAT YOU CUM MUFFIN!"

Then, all of a sudden, as if on cue, Kaede burst out of one of her windows; rolling on the landing with a tank top on. Pistols in each hand, a bandanna around her arm, and shot gun shells linking over her shoulder just to pull the whole look together. Having a lonely tear drop under her right eye that she had made from chicken blood that had managed to get inside. Keade was, the true definition of a Rambo-Crybaby. Yeah, Johnny Depp did look good in that movie. You shall agree because we say so. We know all.

"They almost got the puffs but I stop'ed 'em"

The elder priestess said almost like Rambo, letting out a manly sigh while giving a nod to absolutely nothing. Kagome had glanced over to Kikyou's older sister and gasps as she covers her cheeks with her hands, just staring at her. Sort of like Home Alone meets InuYasha.

"Oh thank Buddha your hear Rambo Keade... they have us surrounded..what ever shall we do?"

Kaede goes over and smacks Kagome across the face, bringing her back to reality before cocking her pistol. Something I think we all would like to do to Kagome every now and then. Especially when she screams out Inuyasha's name and holds it for like, ever. Soups on! Random? Why yes, yes it is. Thank you for noticing.

"Get a grip on yourself child...we've got some cleaning up to do."

The Miko nodded to the scary woman, afraid of being slapped again before looking over just as Miroku randomly joins the scene; wearing a cowboy hat. Don't ask because we don't know why he has it on either. It's Miroku, no one really understand what he does at times anyways.

"We're taken you down Pilgrim..."

The Lecherous Monk said like John Wayne, having a pistol at his side before pausing in his pimped out stride; his spurs on his sandals still changing while he stood there. Large gusts of wind blowing up dust around his body just to make the whole thing seem western themed.

"Damn, outta ammo."

Sango mumbled as she throws one of her shot guns aside, shaking her head as a lone chicken came over to her. Looking up to her all innocent with its beady eyes.

"..."

With out hesitation, she kicked the oven-roasted chicken in the face while pulling out her katana; slicing it's head off instantly. Making this cool, shink-gush sound.

"Not today bizach..."

Kagome glanced over to Sango while shooting her arrows yet again. She then hears a horn blowing off in the distance, which caught her attention. Out of no where, guess what, InuYasha comes riding in on a white horse in this ugly ass red Calvary uniform. Having the Calvary behind him. The Hanyou stops at the top of the hill letting the wind blow through his hair like it would in a crappy movie then charges down the hill with the others behind him. Basically, replays the scene from Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers. Meaning, chickens and squirrels retreat.

"Whoohoo!!"

Kagome wailed happily as she watched them scurry away, throwing one of her shoes in the face of a slow moving squirrel, making it meep and spontaneously combusted into flames. Dies on impact.

"Score one for the home team..."

The Miko started jumping up and down as Miroku waddled over to Sango like John would then tilts his hat, thinking it made him seem at least a little more attractive this way. Who doesn't like to dress up every once and awhile.

"How'dy lil lady.. would you bear my child?"

But he just had to say it in the John Wayne accent to pull the whole cosplay off. But Miroku doing John Wayne? I don't think so. So totally wrong in so many ways. InuYasha then smirks, going over to frisk Kagome away on his valiant steed; only to be knocked off by a low tree limb on the way. The dazed reincarnation laid on the ground seeing stars for what seemed like hours while peering over to Sango and Miroku. Watching them as if they were a soap opera. The Demon Slayer just seemed to blush a little at his words, going slightly shy.

"Well...," she started.

While he waited for her to slap him, he adjusted his belt that he so didn't have on and just looked so retarded doing it. Picture it, it's funny. Miroku trying to adjust a gun belt on his robe when there's nothing there. Use your imagination; you know you want to. Then he just stood there waiting for her reply.

"Um...," she blushed again.

Seeing that this was getting interesting, Kagome rolled over onto her stomach in order to watch the two while a bow of popcorn popped up out of no where. Wow, things really seem to come from no where in the Feudal Era, huh? Finally after awhile of silence, Sango nods her head, causing Kagome to choke on a handful of buttery goodness.

"Hai, I will."

The Higurashi girl watched amusingly as Miroku falls over, passes out from shock, twitches while laying on the ground, and farts in his sleep. Sango just laughed at him then steps over his limp body to walk over to Kagome-chan's side. He twitches while on the ground still, letting them know he didn't die of a heart attack, or nose bleed. Seeing Sango approach her, Kagome looked up to the older woman with a smile.

" Ello there."

Kaede, still standing where she had landed when bursting through the window, turns around to watch the others; wiping her nose with her thumb a bit gangster like.

"Did we save the all mighty poofs Lady Kaede?"

Kagome asked sitting up slowly to dust herself off, having twigs and leaves stick to her fingers from the butter.

"Child...aye we did...we also rock their friggen' world."

After her words were said, Keade turned to walk off into the distance. Her bandanna blowing in the wind as she went along her merry way. She spits out her tooth pick just as she disappeared into the horizon. Sun blazing a hot red, just like Lee's love for Gai-Sensei burns with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns. Kagome just blinked to this before glancing over to InuYasha, shaking her head at Miroku, who was still on the ground by the way, and finally patted Sango on the shoulder. She shook her head with a sigh before turning back around to see the Rambo priestess. Hearing Kaede talk one last time, which was strange since she could have sworn Keade was gone by now.

"I'll be back."

The elder priestess said in the Arnold Schwarzenegger voice before turning and disappearing into the distance. Again. Sango gave a sigh of relief as she wiped sweat from her forehead, resting the shotgun on her left shoulder while Kagome looked back around to glare at InuYasha who was trying not to fall off his horse and into the water below. Once again, where did the water come from since they are no where near an ocean?!

"Get off that horse...you don't know how to ride that thing..."

InuYasha huffed as he looked down at the horse then back to her and nodded.

"Feh...well what do you know. I really DON'T know how to ride a horse."

He then, as if commanded to do so, falls over, remembering he couldn't ride a stallion while landing gracefully. Don't worry kids, his head broke his fall.

"And Miroku, you look ridiculous, get out of that outfit... your not even a cowboy...we don't even have cowboys yet."

The Demon Slayer stated as she narrowed her eyes to him, shaking her head while muttering what dumb ass he was.

"Awww man..."

The Letch said, standing up while snapping his fingers that manged to make the grown male sound like a little kid.

"Well...uh, uh...I could be one.."

He blinks once, then lowers his head knowing she was right, she was always right. Sango shook her head with a sigh. And of course she is always right. She's a woman isn't she?

"Wow, I don't even want to know where they got those outfits... but they are funny.. heh "

Kagome said walking over to Sango, looking at the dressed up boys who were having way too much fun playing in the water. From the looks of it, they were reenacting a scene from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles that InuYasha had told Miroku about. Then...

Panels out.

"THE END"

"Or is it?...doom doom doom"

A CHICKEN AND SQUIRE LL APPEAR AND RUN AT THE SCREEN... and then fade to black.

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(( (A/N) Odd? Yeah, I'll say. As I said before...it just goes to show that we have waaaaay to much free time on our hands, lol.))


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